Sun and Motherhood

Today we had SUN, honest to goodness sun. It is amazing how it can lift your spirits. It was still a Fall day. I can't pretend that Winter's not coming! But to be outside with the kids playing (in the dirt!) was like a deep inhalation. The thing I love about sun is that even if you are not living where you ideally want to be, or doing what you want to be doing, or if you've had a rough day, or are even going through a dark time, it can still grace your world and bring beauty to it. During one of my darker times, I was struck by this reality. Somehow, though I was so sad, I just couldn't resist the happy sun. And now today, a day that seemed a bit uneventful, melting into all my other days, it seemed almost golden.
I've been a teacher for 15 years or so, a parent for 8, have lived in this town for almost 7 years, and have home schooled for (going on) 3 years. My life does not hold a lot of surprises. I pretty much carry out the same task, after same task, day after day. Some days I feel like I am in my "sunset years". And yet, each day is new. Expectant. Full of possibility. Just because I feel blah, does not change the reality that God creates each day new and full of promise. Full of sun (or a least sometimes!). I need to align myself with this reality.
A few weeks ago I saw the movie "Motherhood" with 2 friends. The main character was reflecting on parenthood and it got me doing the same. I have a photo a friend took. It is a photo of the kids (Mika and Adriel, as Elliot was not even a thought then). They are peering out of the front door screen, and there in the corner, I am in the reflection of the window. Smiling and watching the kids with amusement, with crossed arms. I am not sure if the friend saw me in the reflection when she took it, but it is, to me, the definition of parenthood. There we are, on the side, watching our kids. They, in a sense are the main actors and we are the unassuming bit parts that keep the play together. We are a reflection of them, as much as they are a reflection of us. Somehow, we cannot separate ourselves from them and we are always in the corner, there waiting and watching. I used to be such a selfish, self-motivated, driven individual. The person I see in the reflection is one who has grown into being on the sidelines, without qualms. Sure it took a bit of resistance here and there, but I morphed eventually. And there it is, a Mom, watching her children with awe. It used to irk me when my own Mom would just watch me. Now I get it! There is delight in not being the center, but in taking delight in others, such as our children.