Wedding Vows

I found our wedding vows packed away in a box downstairs last week. We have lived in this house for about 2 1/2 years! I found the symbolism of this ironic. How often are our vows packed away in a dusty basement, forgotten? Maybe even sold at a garage sale, mistakenly tossed in a box with other knick knacks! We had written our own vows because we had wanted them to be meaningful. Here's what I vowed,

"...I make this vow before the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I promise to honor, respect and support you but even more so to love, cherish and treasure you; to offer and seek always reconciliation, forgiveness and unity and to look to the Lord as mediator in our relationship. To be kind, compassionate and understanding even when we see things differently, and to look to Christ to guide us in the same direction, even through times of change. To share with you in the good times: to help bear your burdens and discouragements, to laugh with you and have fun, to stay with you and never leave you lonely, for the rest of our lives."

It seems we make these marriage vows fresh-faced, naive to what stresses life can bring into a marriage. Then comes the test. Do we really mean what we vowed? Are we able to grow into these vows? They are a pretty high calling. To live them out may take my lifetime, but then I guess this is what I vowed, "for the rest of our lives".

We have been going through some pretty intense and tough stuff right now. It is hard to journey alongside your spouse in these tough spells. One has to literally will yourself to pick up your foot and take a step, and then another, and another. And to not run the other way - away - but to walk alongside your spouse. And yet, picturing yourself walking alone is no comfort. I would rather walk alongside my husband, through rough and rocky terrain, that walk alone in a smooth, straight path.

Forgiveness has been what I have been continually learning here in Alberta. If I only came to Alberta to learn this then it was worth the trip! I always pictured forgiveness as a quick verbal gesture to smooth out minor creases. Little did I realize that it is more like an overhaul! True forgiveness is the act of undoing ourselves. I have found I am unable to forgive. Christ does the forgiving. I can't trail blaze, rather I must follow the path he has marked out for me which reads "Forgiveness. Keep on straight ahead. Follow my footprints." I can't even comprehend forgiveness. I cannot wrap my brain around the how and why's of it. It is so contrary to every fiber of my being. And yet, somehow it is so integral to the way of Jesus. It may be backwards and upside down to our worldview but it teaches such a freedom.